Are alot of women attracted to abusive men like me?

why am I attracted to abusive men(i think) ... or someone that is very dominant... or someone that cheats(those are the only guys I think I will get)It sound stupid I havent dated a guy in years but when I think about dating I have envision myself being with a guy who hits me.... Im very pive so I think (for some wacky reason)aggressive man will make me more grounded... I dont know why... im probably confused...I guess im attracted to that... Does that have to do with childhood? and having an abusive father (eventhough you were too young to see the abuse) or maybe its because of my esteem problem. If a guy say im nice... Im like no im not... youre lying. What can I change?